16. My love for Jesus is shown by the effort I make to be transformed so I can participate in a relationship with Him.

(Before looking at the questions below, take a few minutes to think about this statement. Invite Jesus to speak to you about what He would like you to notice.) 

Are you more likely to “do for” Jesus or “be with Jesus”?

Why does “just being with Jesus” sometimes seem like an inadequate way to say “thanks”?

What areas of your relational capacity most need transformation? (Consider things like patience, tolerance, kindness, love, etc.)

Do you find it difficult to participate in reciprocal loving relationships? Is it easier to love another, serve another, do things for others than having someone do things for you?

Does fear ever prevent you from being involved in a loving relationship with another? Can you describe what you are afraid of? (For example, are you afraid of being vulnerable, being judged, etc.?) Invite Jesus to speak to you about your fear.

Most of us are aware of our brokenness and need for forgiveness. When we realize that Jesus offers healing for this when we follow Him, we usually feel gratitude. But saying “thank you” often feels inadequate for the gift we have received. So, our next response is often to do something for Jesus as a way of saying thanks.

Sometimes doing things for Jesus can become a big part of who we are; serving can become our vocation or our purpose in life, it can even become our identity. Serving Jesus obviously is not bad, but we must be careful not to let it take the place of something more important, something Jesus wants even more than our service.

The best way to show our love for Jesus is to grow in our relational capacity so that we can enjoy being with Him. Jesus’ farewell speech to His disciples describes this: “As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Now remain in my love.  If you keep my commands, you will remain in my love. ... My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you” (John 15:9-10, 12, NIV). Jesus’ primary desire for His disciples and for us is to “remain in my love.”

Remaining in Jesus’ love requires that we have a relationship with Him—a loving, intimate, friendship with Jesus. But we are fallen human beings whose relational capacity is not suited for this kind of relationship, so we need healing and transformation just to be able to “remain in His love.” Jesus knows this which why He went on to explain that we should “love each other as I have loved you.”

Loving each other implies reciprocity. It is different from just loving someone. I can love you and desire what is best for you from a distance, without you experiencing that love. But if we love each other, if that love is reciprocal, it will require that we have a relationship with each other. And as we work at this relationship, each of us giving up some of our selfishness, we will grow our relational capacity and our relationship will more and more take on the nature of “loving each other.”

As this happens, as our relational capacity increases, we will be able to do what Jesus first asks, that is to live and remain in a loving relationship with Him. “Loving each other” becomes a discipline that trains us to remain in His love. We show our love for Jesus by making an effort to be transformed so that we are able to do what Jesus asks, live in a loving relationship with Him.