17. My love for myself is shown by my desire to give Jesus the “best me I can be.”
(Before looking at the questions below, take a few minutes to think about this statement. Invite Jesus to speak to you about what He would like you to notice.)
Does it seem “selfish” to want transformation for yourself, for your own good?
How might your transformation be good for you?
How might your transformation be good for your social settings--family, friends, work, church, etc.?
How might your transformation be good for God?
In your relationship with Jesus, does He get your “best”?
It is human nature to focus on ourselves. We tend to prioritize our own self-interest, pursue our own comfort and gain, and are generally self-absorbed and self-centered. When we begin our journey with Jesus, we are often told that we must deny ourselves and subjugate our own needs for those of others. And it’s true that
loving others and loving Jesus requires us to let go of our self-absorption. But there is a danger to this, if we take it too far. Christ followers throughout the ages have sometimes taken self-denial to extreme measures. Jesus does not ask us to hate ourselves or routinely deprive ourselves of what we need for life. This is not what He expects from us and it is not the kind of transformation we need.
Loving God does not mean that I intentionally mistreat myself. Part of the problem is that we have a poor and sometimes inaccurate understanding of love. If we use the definition of love that says, “love is knowing, desiring and doing what is best for another,” we can avoid some of these pitfalls.
Bernard of Clairvaux is credited with giving us a template of how our love for God can grow and mature. Bernard refers to this as the four degrees of love.
Love of self for self.
Love of God for self.
Love of God for God
Love of self for God.
The first degree of love is completely selfish; it is the self-centered, self-love that our fallen nature produces.
The second degree of love is still selfish; it is love for God based on what we hope to get out of it. My selfish need for approval gets met by loving and serving God. Loving God lets me feel that God likes me, is happy with my sacrifice, and approves of me.
The third degree of love is a healthy letting go of my need to get something back; it is loving and serving God purely for God’s good and glory. Many would say that this is the most mature kind of love. But Bernard says that
there is an even more mature degree of love; this is when I love myself for God. This happens when I care enough about my own soul to want to give God the best “me” that I can. What is best for God in my relationship with Him, is a mature and healthy “me.” A few years ago, my wife reminded me that I hadn’t had my annual physical check-up. I told her that I was feeling very fine and didn’t need a doctor poking me. She responded by saying, “If you love me, you’ll take care of yourself.” This is the “love of self for God” that Bernard describes.
In loving relationships, sometimes the greatest love for another requires loving ourselves. One motive then for our continuing transformation is to know, desire, and do what is best for ourselves.