10. The result of my ongoing transformation will be increased relational capacity. I will have greater ability to hold deep and healthy relationships with Jesus, and with others.
(Before looking at the questions below, take a few minutes to think about this statement. Invite Jesus to speak to you about what He would like you to notice.)
Relational capacity is the ability to hold intimate relationships. What are some ways you might be able to increase your relational capacity?
What do we often substitute for deep relationships in our lives?
Do intimate relationships cause you anxiety? If so, why?
Do you have a longing for deeper friendships? With others? With Jesus?
Do you imagine that Jesus longs for a deeper friendship with you? Take some time to talk to Him about this.
How might Jesus and the Spirit, help you to develop your relational capacity?
What does a transformed person look like? For nearly 2,000 years, the answer to this question has been “Jesus.” Jesus gives us the picture of a perfectly transformed person. But what part of Jesus as we know and understand Him do we want to imitate and become like? I suggest that
the most distinguishing factor about Jesus’ humanity was His relational capacity--His ability to hold deep and healthy relationships with so many people. I believe that the disciples’ effectiveness in implementing His vision for the church was established through the deep relationship that Jesus held with them. Our relational capacity is defined by both quality and number.
A person with a high relational capacity can have deep relationships with several people at once. A person with good relational capacity can love others without getting anything back. This person also avoids manipulating others, does not depend on others for emotional well-being, is not codependent, does not over-perform in order to impress others, and does not use others for selfish purposes.
People with high relational capacity are differentiated—in other words, they can be in close relationship with others without losing their own emotional autonomy. Relational capacity also includes a genuine enjoyment of people in general and certain ones in particular, a desire to be with others, and a capacity to will and do what is best for the other even if it costs.
Relational capacity is not affected by extrovert or introvert personalities. Introverts in general can hold deeper relationships with a few people but feel unsafe with many. Extroverts love being with the crowd but tend to have less deep relationships. Both types are vulnerable to self-centeredness, emotional entanglement, and other relationship weaknesses.
Without good relational capacity a person will not be able to love unconditionally. And without good relational capacity a person will struggle to receive love without responding in unhealthy ways. The story of Jesus’ life and ministry shows us a person who had exceptional relational capacity.
Jesus loved his followers--not just the 12 disciples--deeply without conditions or selfish demands. Women felt safe and affirmed by Jesus. Social outcasts were accepted and included by Jesus. At the end of His life, Jesus cast a vision for His followers to love each other as He had loved them. This could not happen without good relational capacity—which is developed through transformation.
Humanity was created to be in intimate and healthy relationships with each other and with God, but the human condition faltered and became unhealthy. The transformation of a human soul is the healing and repairing of the soul towards its original state and purpose, relationally healthy and mature and living in loving relationships.
The result of this transformation is a person with good relational capacity.