17. I am exceptionally capable of self-deception.
(Before looking at the questions below, take a few minutes to think about this statement. Invite Jesus to speak to you about what He would like you to notice.)
IS IT POSSIBLE THAT MUCH OF WHAT YOU BELIEVE TO BE TRUE ABOUT YOURSELF MIGHT NOT ACTUALLY BE SO?
DO YOU BELIEVE THAT YOU ARE CAPABLE OF BEING DECEIVED BY OTHERS? BY YOURSELF?
WHAT MOTIVATION MIGHT THERE BE FOR YOU TO ALLOW YOURSELF TO BE DECEIVED?
Self-awareness is the ability to see ourselves as we really are, our real self. Self-awareness also includes the ability to notice when we are pretending and projecting something that is not true about us. When we pretend, we typically are at least slightly aware that our actions are not a true indication of who we are. Over time, we may convince ourselves that our pretend self is what is real about us. This is called “self-deception.”
Psychologists and social workers tell us that self-deception occurs in each of us far more often than we might imagine. In his book, I Told Me So, Self-Deception and the Christian Life, author Gregg Ten Elshof, writes, “Philosophers, social scientists, and psychologists have long been aware of the pervasive reality of self-deception. For centuries, it has been called upon to explain various forms of irrationality and dysfunction”(page 5).
Self-deception is a significant obstacle to self-awareness and emotional health because deception keeps us from looking at our real self and being open to change or correction. Self-deception is a coping mechanism we use to protect ourselves from fear or negative consequences of a situation, but it only offers short-term relief. Self-deception not only affects our human relationships, it also affects our relationship with God. The apostle John writes, If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us (I John 1:8, NIV).
If we have deceived ourselves about our relationship with Jesus, it will be impossible for us to experience freedom from the fear that drove us to our deception. Perhaps this is what Jesus is thinking when he says, Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free” (John 8:32, NIV). Like self-awareness, self-deception requires a safe, loving, and truth-filled environment to allow for us to confront what we would rather avoid.
Our closest friends, family, or small community can be this place that helps us face our self-deception. But Ten Elshop also warns us that self-deception is often encouraged by community: “There are heights of self-deception only reachable with the help of others ”he says (page 76). Ultimately, we need to feel safe enough with God so that His Spirit can penetrate the wall of self-deception we have built to protect us from our fears and allow Him to lovingly invite us into the truth and freedom Jesus came to bring us.
But this requires a willingness to pay attention to the messages what we would rather ignore, from others and from God. In his book, Vital Lies, Simple Truths: The Psychology of Self-Deception, Daniel Goleman quotes R.D. Laing with the following:
The range of what we think and do
Is limited by what we fail to notice
And because we fail to notice
That we fail to notice
There is little we can do
To change
Until we notice
How failing to notice
Shapes our thoughts and deeds (page 40).