12. My spiritual community must be small enough for each person to be able to develop a relationship with each of the others.

(Before looking at the questions below, take a few minutes to think about this statement. Invite Jesus to speak to you about what He would like you to notice.) 

If we use twelve as the maximum size for a community, do you have such a community in your life? If so, how often do you gather?

What do you imagine are the benefits of gathering in a community of people a dozen or fewer?

How many deep relationships do you hold at this time—people you know very well, who know you very well, and sincerely care for each other? How many of these kinds of relationships would you like to have?

Everyone has the foundational need to experience love, both receiving and giving it. Such love may include having our material needs met, being listened to, being known, experiencing touch and affection, or just being with someone. Without question, love will be best experienced if it is within a relationship. We could even propose that outside of a relationship, true love doesn’t exist. I can give money to someone I don’t know but I can’t love them. 

I can care for people I don’t know but that isn’t the same as loving them. To love someone is to know, desire, and do what is best for them. Without a relationship that provides me with knowledge about the other person, I cannot fully know what is best for them. To truly love someone also includes giving the other person the opportunity to respond, to express gratitude and return love. 

Spiritual communities that facilitate this kind of relationship-based love must be small enough for each person to know and be known by the others. There are many benefits of large gatherings that facilitate worship, instruction, celebration, sacraments, giving, and service, but small spiritual communities provide the place for deep relationships to develop. In these communities people have the opportunity to experience being loved by others, to love others in return, and to love and be loved by God. 

Our ability to hold deep relationships is limited to a small number of people, so spiritual communities need to be small also. Jesus gathered a dozen disciples that He prioritized in His relationships and this is likely the size that most spiritual communities will find as their upper limit.