14. There have been times in my spiritual journey when God seemed absent and I was confused about what was happening.
If you have experienced a sense of God’s absence in your journey, how did you respond?
Why do you think that confusion in our relationship with God disturbs us so much?
How could this confusion be good for us in our relationship with God?
One of the most exhilarating seasons in our spiritual journey is when we begin to recognize and experience God’s presence in our lives. We may enjoy an experience that we feel, a voice that we hear, or just the sense that God is near. This connection with God is a spirit and heart connection, deeper than our thoughts or feelings. It is not something that comes and goes, rather it is a constant awareness, a “knowing” that God is real and is with us.
Like other stages in our spiritual journey, we may find that this experience of God’s presence, or at least our awareness of His presence, changes. The classic text, Dark Night of the Soul, written by John of the Cross in the 1500’s, gives us insight into this season on our journey. The Dark Night, written in Spanish, is best translated, the “obscure night.” (The Spanish words are “noche oscura.”)
When we experience this “obscurity” of God, we feel confused. Our lack of understanding makes us feel like we have lost what we had come to enjoy and expect. John describes the obscure night of the senses and the obscure night of the Spirit. The night of the senses is the transition from dependence of feelings to a faith-filled trust in God’s presence. The idea we are exploring in the above statement is the dark night of the Spirit. It’s not just that we don’t feel God—God doesn’t even seem to be there for us.
The “Dark Night of the Soul” has become trendy for people to talk about and many incorrectly use the phrase to describe a difficult situation or loss in their lives. But the dark night of the Spirit that John described is a spiritual loss which is not necessarily associated with situational suffering. This sense of being abandoned by God after we have become accustomed to His presence is what John described—and it may indeed feel like suffering because in some ways it really is.
Our natural response to this God-who-has-left-us is either guilt or anger. We may blame ourselves for God’s absence, imagining that we have done something wrong to offend Him. Or, we may become angry with God, blaming Him and insist on a quick fix to our problem. We must remember in this confusing stage of our journey that God is actively at work.
We have not offended Him, but He is working to grow our faith, deepen our connection to Him, and develop our relationship with Him into one that is more mature. Although we may feel like God has left us, He is actually very close. God is teaching us new ways of being in relationship with Him, less about our senses and more about our faith.