18. Many of my spiritual disciplines do not directly confront my undesired behaviors.
(Before looking at the questions below, take a few minutes to think about this statement. Invite Jesus to speak to you about what He would like you to notice.)
ARE THERE BEHAVIORS YOU HAVE LONG TRIED TO CHANGE BUT HAVE NOT BEEN SUCCESSFUL?
HOW OFTEN HAS SIMPLY “TRYING HARDER” HELPED YOU CHANGE AN UNWANTED BEHAVIOR?
In our efforts to experience the transformation of our character, (either eliminating unhealthy behaviors or embodying good qualities) it helps to understand the principle of indirection. By this we mean that the best way to modify our character will be to use disciplines that do not directly address the character quality but rather address smaller behaviors that will subsequently influence our desired quality. For example, let’s say we would like to become a more patient person.
To simply try to be patient, to pray for patience, to think about it and strive for it will likely not be very effective. We need to choose behaviors that we can do that will help build patience. For example, we might intentionally choose the long check-out line in the supermarket or drive in the slow lane on the freeway. These are decisions and disciplines we can control and be successful at.
Though we are not directly confronting impatience, we are choosing to do patient things and indirectly creating the space for patience to develop. Although the list might be endless, what follows are some examples of this practice.
# If we struggle with anger or impulse control, it will be difficult to “just stop being angry.” But the discipline of fasting has long been known to address this and many other inappropriate behaviors. Fasting teaches our body to obey the desires of the heart and once the body learns this, it can be “bridled” for many other behaviors.
# A desert father who struggled with speaking out inappropriately spent three years carrying a small stone in his mouth.
# If we desire to connect with God more often, to pray more consistently, we can use “reminders” that trigger us to redirect our thoughts. The use of a rosary, a chain of beads, is a discipline that indirectly may facilitate this.
# If I struggle to love my neighbor or my enemy, I might choose to do something nice to them, or pray for them. Jesus understood this principle when He suggests that we pray for our enemies for He knows that as we pray for someone, we will also grow to love them.
# Jesus also understood this principle when He suggested that we give a cup of cold water to someone thirsty. The goal of this practice is not to resolve the person’s thirst, rather it is to develop our compassion as we tangibly care for others we don’t know.
# Tithing is a discipline that helps us let go of our need for material things. As we give something away that we have earned, we develop a more generous and compassionate character.
#Sabbath is a discipline that indirectly teaches us to stop striving, to let go of our need to be in control or to be productive. In each of these examples, there is a character quality that needs transformation, but the approach is simple, choosing what might be considered a meaningless act to indirectly facilitate the character quality.
As we learn this principle, we can find much freedom in choosing activities that are simple and creative. A new monastic described how he was working so hard to show his faithfulness in the monastery by praying longer, fasting more, and working harder than the older monks. When the season of Lent came around, the Abbot met with the young monk and informed him that his assignment was to eat one candy bar and drink one milkshake each day during Lent. The Abbot understood that the young monk had a character deficiency around pride and over-achieving and the prescribed discipline indirectly trained the monk to let go of those unhealthy motives.
The principle of indirection helps us do in small steps what we could never master directly. Indirection also brings the Spirit into the process as we create space for the Spirit to do what we could never do on our own.