13. TO EXPERIENCE ALL THAT GOD DESIRES AND DESIGNED ME FOR, I MUST PARTICIPATE IN AN AUTHENTIC, VULNERABLE RELATIONSHIP WITH GOD.
(Before looking at the questions below, take a few minutes to think about this statement. Invite Jesus to speak to you about what He would like you to notice.)
IF YOU HONESTLY LOOK AT YOURSELF, HOW "GOOD" ARE YOU AT RELATIONSHIPS? ARE THERE "WEAKNESSES" THAT YOU ARE AWARE OF?
IF YOU HAVE WEAKNESS, (I.E. IF YOU ARE HUMAN), DO YOU IMAGINE THAT THESE WEAKNESSES AFFECT YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH GOD? JESUS?
IS THERE A PARTICULAR WEAKNESS OF YOURS THAT KEEPS YOU FROM EXPERIENCING A HEALTHY AND MATURE RELATIONSHIP WITH OTHERS?
IS THERE A WAY IN WHICH THIS WEAKNESS IS ALSO PRESENT IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH JESUS?
WHAT WOULD YOU ASK GOD FOR IN THIS?
One of the characteristics that make humans so unique is their ability to enjoy loving and intimate relationships with each other. As essential as relationships are for us, they also can come at a cost. In authentic relationships, we can lose our sense of control, safety, security, and individuality. These fears become more intense when we struggle to have an image of ourselves as worthy.
A negative self-image can keep us from risking relationships. When this happens, our capacity to enjoy close relationships with others can become stuck and undeveloped. It is a bittersweet situation. Relationships are necessary to receive the love that we long for, but they are also dangerous. Without relationships, we will fail to experience the love we long for and the love God longs for us to experience. This tension is true both in our relationship with other humans and with God.
If we desire love, and the means to love is relationship, but we are "relationally challenged," how do we develop our relational capacity? If we avoid the risk of rejection and disappointment because our image of ourselves and our sense of worth is low, how do we change? The answer to this is not easy but it is simple: "Jesus." It's true that our relational capacity is shaped by our relationships with others. However, we can work to experience a safe relationship with Jesus that will, in turn, help us risk relationships with others. This is the difficult part.
The dysfunctions and defects in our human relationships sabotage our relationship with Jesus. If we struggle to trust others, we may also struggle to trust Jesus. But over time, we can grow to know that he is trustworthy and that we can experience his love. As this happens, we can use our confidence in Jesus to help us trust others, or at least trust Jesus in our relationships with others. This may not be an easy process and will likely take time. We walk slowly, with both feet, one learning to trust Jesus, and the other, learning to trust others. Over time, we may notice that we are less fearful and more trusting of Jesus, others, and ourselves.
Trusting ourselves flows from a growing sense of value we experience as we walk in the presence of Jesus, our Creator. In the end, the process is the goal. Participating in relationships sets us up to grow in our relational capacity. This in turn opens up to a greater experience of love and self-worth. Athletes practice their skills to be better able to enjoy the game. In the same way, we must practice relationships to be able to better enjoy them and the love they bring us. And it is our relationship with Christ that is the first step and the ongoing power in this journey.